It’s 6am when I wake in our tent. It’s been raining all night so the morning smells fresh and dewy. As I lay on my matt I start to wonder about the next route we will be taking here in Colombia. My mind starts to think about the travel and if I still have the passion for it all. Its been a year and a half of travelling throughout South America which is nothing compared to others who choose to travel longer or even for life, but it’s not a competition or a contest on who can travel the longest. It should be an amazing feeling within, a kind of excitement that I’m just not sure I’m experiencing anymore? Why you ask…… that’s a very good question!!
The routes we have been taking lately have probably been some of the most challenging. I’m talking what look like washed out riverbeds and creeks not roads. The large uneven rocks that form the roads encourage me to stand up on my pegs for most of the ride. And of course being the rainy season here in Colombia all the other dirt roads are muddy and slippery, my other type of favourite roads….. I’m not complaining or maybe I am it’s just hard work to see all the really cool stuff. I often wonder if I’m the only pillion who feels like this?? If other travellers become “over it all” after a while. I feel I am ruining some elements of the travel for David as he feels obligated to support me and change some routes to accommodate my fears.
We have fallen off the bike a bit lately making it a little harder for me to get back on. It hurts when we fall. It doesn’t matter how slow we are going it still really hurts and I seem to be the one who suffers the most injuries. Perhaps I’m David’s soft landing!! Or perhaps I’m just weak and to much of a princess? ???????? either way it still sucks falling of the bike. I know it’s “all part of the travel” as I’m told regularly but does it have to be???? Lately I have been thinking about pulling the pin and heading home. Back to Australia, Melbourne where life is pretty good where I speak the language well and I know how things roll like the back of my hand. But that would be taking the easy way out, a cop out or giving in. Sometimes I think way too much about all this I should just relax and go with the flow a little but it’s hard when your nature is to be “concerned” about things. I was going so well for a while there, relaxing my mind and taking each day as it comes and then we crossed into Colombia and for some unknown reason I changed. To be honest I’m not even sure I’ll publish this blog. Therapy perhaps… It can be hard writing about your feelings being honest with yourself and telling it how it is. Sometimes it’s a reality check and I’m hoping writing about all this will shake me out of my mexicoma (mindset).
I think my family and friends back home are convinced we only ride on the most perfect roads and sit on sandy beaches drinking cocktails ???? but the truth is everyday is a logistical challenge with a daily list of requirements we need to meet: where we are going to sleep that night, if we get the privilege of a hot shower, what route we are taking, the weather and of course if we need food and water to get through the day. That’s not to mention the self challenges we face. And I guess that’s what this blog is all about for me. Self challenges. Things that make us grow, become stronger individuals and question certain parts of us we possibly may need to better.
I’m not sure what the answer is for me I keep pushing on hoping the next day I wake up I’ll feel like I did when we started this journey full of excitement like a child in a Lolly shop.
I guess at the end of the day it’s all my choices right?? I mean I chose to do this kind a travel. I knew it was going to be challenging and I knew it was going to be tough but I didn’t think I would question whether I would loose the passion for travel. It surprises me. Perhaps it’s because of the hard work involved, the length of time we have been travelling for or perhaps I just need to focus on relaxing more, letting go and trusting that’s things will be okay……..
